As I sit here in the study surrounded by my books beautifully displayed in a custom-built bookshelf, listening to the kids packing up their beds in the living room and smelling bacon and eggs cooking for breakfast, I can barely recognise my life.
I have gone from a highly insulated solitary existence to being part of a crazy family. Duckfishman loves me more than anyone else has ever loved me before and because we can’t bear to be apart we are now living together.
We have a beautiful one bedroom apartment with 12 foot ceilings, a gourmet kitchen and waterfront views. Even though we argue about the right way to put the bin liner in the rubbish bin, and whether a plastic toad holding an umbrella is appropriate accessorizing, we have having a ball. We spend hours laughing, talking, crying (me not him), kissing and making love and that is more important than a bin liner.
His kids come to spend the weekend with us and fill up the house with chaos and mess. Sometimes my ovaries ache for the children I never had but this seems a wonderful alternative.
If you had told me one year ago that my life would look like this in August 2010, I would never have believed you. It is such a cliché to say that, but in this case, it is so true.
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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
You give me a lot of hope. I know that’s so cliche, but it’s true. My boyfriend, previously a fiance, broke up with me. He was supposed to be the love of my life, and for the 2nd time, he has reminded me that I am not a permanent fixture in his life. Not only this, but he was my first for everything; first boyfriend, first kiss, first.. well.. you know what. He opened my world up to so much, and he brought all the vulnerable parts of me out and explored them. Now that’s gone. All of it. Done. Never going to happen in the future, and he didn’t even want to be friends. (Though dammit, we will be!)
It hurts. And it’s frightening; the love I had..and still have for him, I’m scared I’ll never have again. I’ll never have that same butterfly-in-the-tummy feeling, or the comforting feeling of having them there.
Seeing you have someone there that loves you for you, and is always there for you, and you have found love and happiness in it’s own unique form to fit where you are today, that gives me hope. I fear going to bed at night, because I know I’ll see his face. I fear waking up in the morning because it’ll be like being broken up with again, and I know I’ll cry. I’ll wail, and have trouble sleeping. I’ll feel like hell, and I’ll feel so alone and empty. Yet, somewhere out there, others have felt this, and knowing that YOU’ve gone from utter hell into an amazing, healthy relationship.. well, that gives me hope to face the night, and wake up in the morning again, through the pain.
One day, I’ll have that kind of love. I’ll be damned if I don’t!
Thank you for sharing you life. <3
(Sorry for the wall of text.)
KatieP,
You’re always an inspiration, and I’m so glad you’ve found such love and happiness, because you truly deserve it.
xo
If anyone had told me a year ago that “your” life would look like this “I” wouldn’t have believed them
Katie, kids, chaos – sounds wonderful!
I’m siding with whoever thinks the toad is NOT appropriate (lol).
Katie,
You deserve every morsel of happiness this universe provides you; and you are giving hope to those that haven’t quite reached that top of the mountain yet; even to those of us who feel we’ll never quite scale that mountain of happiness again; reading your words, is reassuring. THANK YOU and all the best!
Charmaine
It sounds beautiful Katie. I am so so happy for you…
Hi Katie,
Us Queenslanders don’t think toads are all that bad xoxox
I’m glad to see you having such a wonderful time
so cool katie. i am happy for you!
awww that makes my heart really happy
Sounds just fab.
ENJOY!!
Anyway It’s not plastic, it’s wood and… …I like it so there! I never say anything about your old teddy who sits there like Smug Smugnesson in the corner sneering at me every time I walk past.