After I finished writing yesterday’s post on the three types of love strategies between a couple, it occurred to me that the same principles apply to self-love.
If you know how you receive love from others, you know how to receive it from yourself
Many people’s self-love efforts aren’t making any difference because people are following advice based on one of the three love strategies which isn’t important to them. For example, the classic “mirror work” exercise will only be successful for those who have a visual love strategy.
What’s my personal love strategy? A Refresher
The easiest way to work out your personal love strategy is to complete this sentence :
In order to know I am totally loved it is necessary for me…
- to be taken places and bought things or to be looked at with that special look? (VISUAL) OR
- to hear that special tone of voice or those special words? (AUDITORY) OR
- to be touched in a certain way or a certain place? (KINESTHETIC)
You can only choose one love strategy — not all three! (If you’re having a hard time, check the earlier post here)
Visual Self Love Strategy
~ taken places, bought things, looked at with that special look
If you have a visual love strategy, self-love involves surrounding yourself with pretty things — flowers, ornaments, art etc. Walking outside and seeing the beauty of nature will nourish your soul.
Allow yourself to spend time on your appearance doing whatever makes you feel attractive. Go to the hairdressers or get a manicure. Spend money on good quality jewelry or shoes.
When you’re in front of the mirror, practice gazing deep into your own eyes with loving acceptance.
Your self-love strategy is connected to what you see.
Auditory Self Love Strategy
~ special tone of voice or special words
If you have an auditory love strategy, you should try meditation, affirmations and music as your pathway to self acceptance. The sounds of your life are important to you and they need to be harmonious.
Singing in a choir or playing a musical instrument might also be a way to love yourself. Take yourself to a classical orchestral concert or a heavy metal gig and lose yourself in the sound.
You probably hang on to every negative word people have said to you … let it go.
Your self-love strategy is connected to what you hear.
Kinesthetic Self Love Strategy
~ touched in a certain way or a certain place
If, like me, you have a kinesthetic love strategy, you will find comfort in tactile things. From snuggling up in a warm sweater, to feeling the sand between your toes, touch makes you feel better.
Having a massage and taking a hot bath will soothe and calm you. Perhaps you need to set up a private nook in your home so you can spend time curled up among silky smooth cushions and fluffy blankets. Swim in the ocean and sleep in satin sheets.
Your self-love strategy is connected to loving touch.
What do you think? Do the things you do to take great care of yourself connect with your relationship love strategy?