The voice in my head tells me that I’m not good enough, that I could do better, if only I worked on being more loving, compassionate, patient, giving … (insert your word here).
And there are people who seem to agree with the thoughts that come to me in the middle of the night.
And if these people are the ones I seek approval from — my mother, my partner or my boss — eventually I give up trying to justify my position and agree with them.
When they continually point out what I’ve done wrong…
you’re always late
you never consider my feelings
you are so selfish
… it seems so obvious that they are right.
But they’re not right. I am not fucked up. I have a good heart, I always try my best, and I would never hurt anyone on purpose. I might make a mistake or fail but I don’t deserve to be punished through silence or sarcasm until I admit how bad I am.
Who told you you are fucked up?
Who is punishing you for your poor judgement and your lack of wisdom?
Mistakes are lessons, errors are experience and none of it is wrong or unforgivable. You can’t be at fault for someone else’s feelings and guilt shouldn’t drive you to feel broken and in need of fixing.
Your flaws are what make you beautiful and you should celebrate them. No one gets punished for trying and failing. It is the way of human life.
Next time someone (including that voice in your head) feels inclined to tell you you’re fucked up — don’t believe it.
You might have had a go and not quite made it, but you still remain a beautiful, divine, inspired soul sent to enhance the experience of the entire universe.
Fucked up? … fucking amazing more like it!
≡
Fucking amazing post, this 🙂 That little voice does get annoyingly persuasive at times, and if one has grown up, the way one often does, in a pseudo-perfectionist environment, chances are the little voice will find footholds every now and then. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I know what you mean about the pseudo-perfectionist environment — although sometimes I think mine was mostly self-created.
Love this. I have been contemplating an article on that little voice–I refer to them (I have more than one) as the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee… IBSC. Acknowledging and moving on is key to my letting go of the messages.
Everyone knows asking a committee is never a good way to get things done. Good luck with getting yours under control ♥
omg—too damn funny–so thats who they are…i just always assumed it was my mom’s voice-2500 miles away yet still trying to invade my space…whether its deciding on which dress to buy…to i should have rinsed off the poultry we had for dinner before i cooked it…you know daily stuff like that.
Mine do bear a striking resemblance to my mother’s voice as well. Interesting…
My problem is that I get too many reminders from the outside world that I’m not “good enough” or “likeable.” Sometimes I just add fuel to the fire. I’m so not perfect, but I’m good at it.
I need to talk back to that voice more often. I’m much better at it than I used to be, but some days…ugh.