The voice in my head tells me that I’m not good enough, that I could do better, if only I worked on being more loving, compassionate, patient, giving … (insert your word here).
And there are people who seem to agree with the thoughts that come to me in the middle of the night.
And if these people are the ones I seek approval from — my mother, my partner or my boss — eventually I give up trying to justify my position and agree with them.
When they continually point out what I’ve done wrong…
you’re always late
you never consider my feelings
you are so selfish
… it seems so obvious that they are right.
But they’re not right. I am not fucked up. I have a good heart, I always try my best, and I would never hurt anyone on purpose. I might make a mistake or fail but I don’t deserve to be punished through silence or sarcasm until I admit how bad I am.
Who told you you are fucked up?
Who is punishing you for your poor judgement and your lack of wisdom?
Mistakes are lessons, errors are experience and none of it is wrong or unforgivable. You can’t be at fault for someone else’s feelings and guilt shouldn’t drive you to feel broken and in need of fixing.
Your flaws are what make you beautiful and you should celebrate them. No one gets punished for trying and failing. It is the way of human life.
Next time someone (including that voice in your head) feels inclined to tell you you’re fucked up — don’t believe it.
You might have had a go and not quite made it, but you still remain a beautiful, divine, inspired soul sent to enhance the experience of the entire universe.
Fucked up? … fucking amazing more like it!